My Open Letters to Rob, Kristen, & Chris Weitz

I've always found it amusing when someone in the public eye writes an "open letter" (Candy Spelling, I'm talking to you). It just seems to be such a cry for attention. As someone in the public eye, you most likely have connections and people that can get you in touch with the person, so if you actually were concerned about them, you could just contact them privately. I, on the other hand, do not have connections. But I have a blog. Which very few people read, but it is my place to speak my mind. So here I go--my open letters to RPattz, KStew, and Chris Weitz (who are all subscribers to my blog).

Dearest Bert,

I miss you. I couldn't find any current photos of you--and while I'm happy that you aren't being stalked by the Paparazzi, I kind of miss seeing your goofy grin. I'm super excited about the GQ Cover and can't wait to see Little Ashes after reading this amazing review of it in The Advocate . I'm really pissed about you not being able to do Parts Per Billion, and I know you probably are, too. Hang in there. A lot of your fans aren't 14 and aren't crazy. We really like you...because you're a funny guy; not because you play Edward Cullen (but we wouldn't have anybody else in the role). I can honestly say that I believe I will still be first in line to see your movies years from now, even when they give me the senior discount.
Don't give in if they tell you to do stupid shit on this next movie. We don't need to see you throughout the whole movie (much as we'd all want to) because we need that big, badass last 30 minutes. We need to see you step out in that plaza and we need to feel like we have missed you. We need to feel like Bella. You get this. We get this. I'm sure KStew will get this if she ever gets around to reading the book. So stick to your guns--it will make for a better movie. In closing, don't ever change. We love you just the way you are.
Love,
Elle Bunny
Dear Kristen, I know it must be hard right now, with everyone questioning whether you are still dating Michael Oregano and wondering when you are going to move onto Rob, but we all knew this was coming. And from the look of these pictures, I would guess that you're not very happy in your current predicament. One thing I've noticed about you KStew-you always look your worst when RPattz is far away--see here (when you were filming Welcome to the Rileys in New Orleans). I know you are probably sick of everyone analyzing your relationship with Rob, but maybe you're just too close to it to see it clearly. Or maybe we really are crazy and seeing things that aren't there. It doesn't matter-Just do what makes you happiest and you'll end up where you belong.
Oh, and make sure they don't cut out the cliff-diving scene in New Moon or Twilighters might throw you off a cliff. And maybe try reading the rest of the series, okay?
Love you!
Elle Bunny

Hi Chris, I'm sure by now you've become well-acquainted with the crazy community that is Twilighters. But we are definitely coming around on the idea of you being the director. Even KStew's joined in on singing your praises. The reason for this about face should be clear: you keep making the right decisions. To start out with, you wrote what seemed to be a sincere and heartfelt letter to the Twilight Fandom introducing yourself and making your intentions clear. Then you kept Taylor as Jacob for New Moon. And in a fantastic move, you seem to be in negotiations to bring on Dakota Fanning as Jane--news that makes me wiggle my toes (always a good sign). There's even talk about you hiring Lucas Grabeel as Alec, which I think is a great idea, especially after seeing him in Milk. But the most exciting rumor in my Sick, Sad World is definitely AnnaLynne McCord being considered to play Heidi. Because despite the fact that I've grown to despise the New 90210 I still watch it every week and have grown to love Naomi and her ridiculous outfits. She's actually a really good friend to Adriana and she gives a mean bitchface. She's definitely my favorite character (which isn't saying a lot, considering I pretty much hate them all). Anyway, if you haven't figured it out yet, I think these are all great things. Check plus on all these decisions. Here is my advice to you if you want to stay on our good side.
1) Pay absolutely no attention to any bullshit that comes out in Catherine Hardwicke's upcoming book. Because although I love Catherine and her energy, I thinks she's feeling pretty burned after what happened and may say some mean things. Ignore it.
2) Make New Moon better than Twilight--listen to your actors and don't be afraid to spend a lot on special effects. In fact, insist on it--it will make more money if you spend more money, guaranteed.
3) Aro, Caius and Marcus must be cast well--that should make up the majority of the rest of the budget, coming in second after special effects only. If you want good actors, you are going to need to pay more than Summit will want to, but you need to insist on it--bigger names bring a bigger audience. Some suggestions? I'm not really good at this because when I think of these characters I start getting grossed out by the idea of their papery white skin. But I'll throw some names out there; Gary Oldman; Jeremy Irons; Nestor Carbonell (who plays Richard on Lost). That's all I've got. Whether you can get these actors to sign up is another battle altogether.
4) Pick good music. While I really liked the soundtrack for Twilight, I think you can do even better. I read that you are open to more experimental songs on the New Moon Soundtrack and I think that is a good idea.

5) Listen to the fans. We care about this. A lot. So don't be afraid to use some of our ideas--we won't mind. First order of business: the tag line. This is what you should use:

"It will be as if I never existed"

If you don't use that one, I might write an angry letter.

Thanks!

Love,

Elle Bunny

Well, that's all I have to say for today.

Have a great day!

Love,

Elle Bunny