I think it would be more accurate to say "Hide your Womenfolk"

Yeah.
So I don't think anything that I could say about these pictures or this article could really sum up the awesomeness of either one. I will say that I got into a car accident yesterday and I still managed to stay in a good mood (I'm okay; so is the other driver who was at fault; our cars are drivable just some scraped paint; the point is that usually if something like that happened I would be bummed out for the rest of the day). Chalk it up to the healing powers of Rob. So I'm just going to highlight some of my favorite quotes from the article, which made me giggle and left me in tears. Finally-a writer who totally gets Rob.

"He explains that the place he’s staying at in L.A. has a microwave, and that he’s never had a microwave before, and that he spends a lot of time looking for new things you can microwave. Those frozen cheeseburgers, from the store. A carrot. ""Pattinson says he’s always been hypersensitive about being looked at, that when he was a kid and somebody’d make eye contact with him on the bus or something, he’d freak out. He’s one of those tall people who hunch, trying to disappear. Then all this stuff happened. He wasn’t ready. His first thought, whenever he finds himself in one of these crowds, is always, Someone could very easily stab me."

"he isn’t complaining. We don’t want to make it sound like he’s complaining. But he can feel all of it making him crazy. It’s like being a fugitive in your own backyard. The other day, he went out, shook off three paparazzi-mobiles, hit the drive-thru at the In-N-Out. He was going to eat a burger in the car. He drove around and found a gas-station parking lot a few blocks away, intending to sit there and eat, “just hidden, in the darkness.'And I turn around,' he says, 'and in the car next to me, there’s a woman giving a man a blow job! Right there, in the car park!' This is what this kind of attention does to you; to do the things that normal people do, you have to go where normal people go to do furtive things.Somebody got pictures of him anyway. Hidden in the darkness! Like some kind of Hamburglar!""He tries not to go out if he can avoid it. Stays home, watches movies, microwaves. Mostly, though, he reads about himself on the Internet. According to the Internet, there is another Robert Pattinson out there, living a very different life. A creature of the night, eager to sink his fangs into anything with boobs and a pulse. All bullshit, Pattinson says, but he reads the stories anyway, out of a kind of masochistic narcissism.And he admits to reading it, which is the really weird part. He reads the gossip blogs and the Twilight fan fiction ('It’s surprisingly hard-core. And very well written'). He knows what the fake Robert Pattinson said on the fake Robert Pattinson Facebook page. (The fake Robert Pattinson claimed to have nailed Kristen Stewart. The fake Robert Pattinson was kind of like Chuck Bass, if Chuck Bass were uncouth enough to trumpet his conquests on somebody’s Wall.)"

“'I literally have nothing to say,' he says. 'So I don’t think, Oh, I wish they’d asked me about my craft instead of my hair.'
Is there anything you wish you’d gotten to talk about in this interview?
'Okay,' he says. Deep breath. 'I fucked Joe Jonas.'
We knew it!
'I love him.'"

“'I remember when I was a teenager thinking my girlfriend was cheating on me, and going around riling myself up. Pretending to cry. It was totally illegitimate—I actually didn’t feel anything. I went to some pub and then went crying all the way home. And I got into my dog’s bed. I was crying and holding on to the dog. I woke up in the morning, and the dog was looking at me like, ‘You’re a fake.’
Was she actually cheating on you?
'No,' Pattinson says, laughing.
'I thought I’d seen her with another guy, but she wasn’t even there. I spent three days apologizing to the dog.'"

"Pattinson offers us a ride to our hotel. As we’re getting up to leave, he glances out the window behind him. 'Well,' he says, 'you’ll be encountering the other end of it now.'

Pardon?

'The 14-year-old paparazzo is outside,' Pattinson says.

Sure enough—when we get outside, there’s this kid, a scowling Dennis the Menace type in baggy jeans, blasting away with a giant camera.

'You look really young,' Pattinson says to the kid, who’s backing out into oncoming traffic, still shooting. 'How old are you?'

'Sixteen,' the kid says.

...
We make it to the car and speed off. Pattinson’s old ’89 BMW finally died a few weeks ago, so he’s been driving this rented Audi S4. It’s a total junior-Endeavor-agent-on-the-make ride. We point this out. 'I think my agent does have this car, actually,' Pattinson says. Before we’ve gone fifty feet, the windshield steams up and Pattinson can’t see a damn thing. He hasn’t driven the car on a cold day before, and he doesn’t know where the defogger button is.He turns on the heat—'That’s supposed to do something, right?'—and then merges into traffic, still blind, cursing his way into the left lane. 'I think I’m better off on Melrose, because there aren’t any pedestrian crossings,' he says. 'You’re going to regret accepting this lift.' Then he hits another button. Success. The windshield starts to clear and at last Pattinson can see where he’s going."

A Lizzie Penny for your thoughts? Here are some of mine.

1) I have to try microwaving a carrot.

2) When I was younger, I was always paranoid when I was riding in a car that I would be killed in a drive-by-shooting. There was no real reason for this as I did not live in the ghetto, but it was always going through my mind and I was constantly slouching down in the back seat of the car. Therefore, I sympathize with Rob and his irrational fear that he will be stabbed.

3) I'm dying for someone to make a manip of Rob as the Hamburglar.

4) Bert is definitely reading Wide Awake and loving it.

5) Joe Jonas is a lucky son of a bitch.

6) Pattys (the dog and the girl) are lucky bitches.

7) Rob is the only celebrity who would offer an interviewer a ride home.

8) I hope Rob can adjust and reach some kind of peace about what his life has become.

Have a great weekend!

Love,

Elle Bunny