"Hair brings one's self-image into focus; it is vanity's proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices." ~Shana Alexander
I recently dyed my hair brown. I would show you pics, but I don't even have any uploaded to the internets yet (I might add some later). Anyway, although my hair is naturally brown, I have been doing blond highlights for a LONG time. And they have always looked fine--sometimes I would go a little chunkier, sometimes I would ask for finer blond highlights, but they were always the same colors. One time, my senior year, I did try and go dark, but it wound up looking red. I swore I would never go back. The color I have now is two shades darker than my natural color. I'm still getting used to it, and will admit to having a tearful moment once I got in the car (I didn't want to offend my hair dresser Debbie by having it in her chair). WhiIe I still feel shocked every time I look in the mirror, I have decided that I like it, and I like who I am with the dark hair. 
I have been going through a lot of transition and change in my life lately. Not all of it is bad, but not all of it is good--I really don't want to talk or think about any of it. There have been days when I get look weird looks from those around me at work. There are days when I don't think I can talk to another crying cancer patient. I recently spent half my work day avoiding taking calls and trying to look for jobs on craigslist to no avail. Yesterday I made a cd for myself (I'm way overbudget on my iTunes usage this month--but music calms me) and named it "Wake me Up When October Ends." That's pretty much how I feel--at this point I'm kind of faking my way through life. Once I get to November, I'm sure I will have a full out cry fest, but until then, I have to hold it together because I have lots of shit to get through-Breast Cancer Awareness Month (it is crazy at work), a family reunion (got through it), a wedding, a bachelorette party (which I got through on Saturday), Halloween parties galore, an interview, and a presentation at work. So sometimes my boss gives me a look and says "Are you alright?" and I smile and say "Yes I'm fine" and turn around and read something funny on dlisted before I can lose my shit. My boss is a boy and I don't think he could handle that.
I'm sure some people thought that the change of hair color was just my way of acting out. That the way I was feeling emotionally took on a physical manifestation in my hair. But I have actually been talking about changing my hair since August. I have no idea what made me think about doing it, but I did. The long term goal is to have my hair long(er) and dark. With my hair dark, I feel more mature, more exotic (which is silly...brown hair and brown eyes does not = exotic) and I feel like people think I'm smarter. When I wear my glasses, I feel even smarter, and I want to make a sardonic joke, or perhaps report on politics for CNN; or better yet, go as Sarah Palin for Halloween. 
Why is hair so important? Did the part of me that was a blond die when I dyed my hair? Chances are that it didn't. I think we react to the way other people treat us. So other people's preconceived notions are now coloring the way I see myself with a new hair color.
I recently dyed my hair brown. I would show you pics, but I don't even have any uploaded to the internets yet (I might add some later). Anyway, although my hair is naturally brown, I have been doing blond highlights for a LONG time. And they have always looked fine--sometimes I would go a little chunkier, sometimes I would ask for finer blond highlights, but they were always the same colors. One time, my senior year, I did try and go dark, but it wound up looking red. I swore I would never go back. The color I have now is two shades darker than my natural color. I'm still getting used to it, and will admit to having a tearful moment once I got in the car (I didn't want to offend my hair dresser Debbie by having it in her chair). WhiIe I still feel shocked every time I look in the mirror, I have decided that I like it, and I like who I am with the dark hair. I have been going through a lot of transition and change in my life lately. Not all of it is bad, but not all of it is good--I really don't want to talk or think about any of it. There have been days when I get look weird looks from those around me at work. There are days when I don't think I can talk to another crying cancer patient. I recently spent half my work day avoiding taking calls and trying to look for jobs on craigslist to no avail. Yesterday I made a cd for myself (I'm way overbudget on my iTunes usage this month--but music calms me) and named it "Wake me Up When October Ends." That's pretty much how I feel--at this point I'm kind of faking my way through life. Once I get to November, I'm sure I will have a full out cry fest, but until then, I have to hold it together because I have lots of shit to get through-Breast Cancer Awareness Month (it is crazy at work), a family reunion (got through it), a wedding, a bachelorette party (which I got through on Saturday), Halloween parties galore, an interview, and a presentation at work. So sometimes my boss gives me a look and says "Are you alright?" and I smile and say "Yes I'm fine" and turn around and read something funny on dlisted before I can lose my shit. My boss is a boy and I don't think he could handle that."I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know that I'm not blonde." ~Dolly Parton
I'm sure some people thought that the change of hair color was just my way of acting out. That the way I was feeling emotionally took on a physical manifestation in my hair. But I have actually been talking about changing my hair since August. I have no idea what made me think about doing it, but I did. The long term goal is to have my hair long(er) and dark. With my hair dark, I feel more mature, more exotic (which is silly...brown hair and brown eyes does not = exotic) and I feel like people think I'm smarter. When I wear my glasses, I feel even smarter, and I want to make a sardonic joke, or perhaps report on politics for CNN; or better yet, go as Sarah Palin for Halloween. Why is hair so important? Did the part of me that was a blond die when I dyed my hair? Chances are that it didn't. I think we react to the way other people treat us. So other people's preconceived notions are now coloring the way I see myself with a new hair color. But if this last week is an example of the life that I will lead as a brunette, I can say unequivocally, blondes do have more fun. And I might need to put a call into Debbie.
Love,
Elle Bunny
Love,
Elle Bunny
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